I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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