I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
