Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
