If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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