You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
