Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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