you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize