They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
