So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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