I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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