He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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