so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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