Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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