no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
