so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
