my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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