Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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