hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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