Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
