I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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