I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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