So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
