Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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