Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
MIDGETS
????
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
