did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
