So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
