Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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