I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
