i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
