My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
