Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
