dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
