Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
