I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize