You really coming over, don't trick.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
