Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You made out with two different species that night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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