Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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