Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
