end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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