omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
