The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
