Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
