I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
this will be a night to untag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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