we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
