considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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