i think i have herpe
just one?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
