I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
