well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
