This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
