I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
