I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
