She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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