i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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