I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
