I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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