You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
