The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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