OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
