What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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