I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
