Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
