I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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