Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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