hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
