How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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