I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
