I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
