2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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