Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
