just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
