It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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