Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
