Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
