take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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