don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
