Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
