I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
