so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
