Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
