he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
