me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
