Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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