I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
