i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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