so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
