the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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