Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
