I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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