Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
