are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
