I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
